When someone you care for is struggling with suicidal thoughts, you may be questioning what to say, what to do and how you could possibly hold the weight of their pain. This guide is here to help you recognise the warning signs of suicide, respond with care and support your friend while managing your own mental wellbeing. It’s possible to help them feel seen, supported and safe simply by being present, without needing to have all the answers.

The Signs of Suicidality

Many people experiencing suicidal thoughts have mastered the art of masking, where the subtle signs of poor mental health may be hiding in the things they say or the way they go through their day. Here’s what to look out for:

1. Changes in Mood

• Irritability or bursts of anger
• Quietness or becoming less social
• Appearing ‘numb’ or emotionally disconnected
• Avoiding conversations about their feelings

2. Talking about Dying

• Casually mentioning death in conversation
• Making jokes about killing oneself

3. Purposelessness & Low Self-Esteem

• Expressing hopelessness about the future
• Posting online about having no reason to live
• Saying they are a burden
• Using dismissive terms like “it is what it is”

4. Self-Destructive Behaviour

• Abusing alcohol or drugs
• Self-harm
• Reckless driving
• Neglecting basic needs (nutrition, hydration, sleep, hygiene)

5. Saying Goodbye

• Late-night calls, visits, or messages
• Writing suicide notes
• Giving things away

6. Sudden Calmness After Distress

This may signal that they’ve made a decision or plan to end their life.

What Do I Say?

It’s normal to feel uncertain about what to say when it feels as if someone’s safety is in your hands. The key is to listen, stay calm and be genuine. Avoid dismissive responses.

Instead of saying:

• “You’ll get over it.”
  Try: “I know it’s painful, but your strength is seen.”

Instead of:

• “Don’t think like that.”
  Try: “It must be heavy to carry these thoughts and feelings.”

Instead of:

• “Others have it worse.”
  Try: “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

What Do I Do?

1. Space Over Solutions

Offer space to express themselves rather than overwhelming them with advice.

2. Check In

Send simple messages like “I’m thinking of you” and offer practical help.

3. Stay Emotionally Present

Keep calm and avoid making it about yourself.

4. Encourage Professional Help

Share helplines, counsellors or mental health resources.

5. If They’re Under 18

Involve a trusted adult such as a parent or teacher.

FAQ

How can I support a suicidal friend while protecting my own mental health?

You cannot carry the weight of someone’s life alone. Here’s how to care while protecting yourself:

• Set boundaries: You can’t be available 24/7. Encouraging professional help is love, not abandonment.
• Share responsibility: Involve trusted friends, family, or professionals.
• Practice self-care: Counselling, journaling, prayer, rest, or exercise can help.

Remember, you are not a professional and you do not have to fix everything. Support them as far as you can, but it’s okay to step back if it becomes too heavy.

If you or someone you know needs support, reach out to a helpline or trusted professional.