Control, manipulation and isolation. Domestic violence is more than just physical harm – it can happen in any home, to anyone, through multiple forms of abuse. Whether you are a survivor, a concerned family member or someone looking to better inform yourself, this article breaks down the what, when, why, where and how of domestic violence, shining a light on the most common forms of abuse in household and relationship settings.

An Overview of Violence

What Is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence (DV) is a pattern of abusive or controlling behaviour that harms one’s health, safety or wellbeing. This abuse happens against a partner in an intimate or family relationship.

How Does Domestic Violence Happen?

The abuser may use their aggressive power or control to threaten or hurt people in the home, behaving in ways that are intentionally scary, manipulative, intimidating, damaging, hurtful or humiliating.

There are six main types of abuse:

• Physical
• Verbal
• Emotional & Psychological
• Sexual
• Financial
• Digital

Who Can Experience Domestic Violence?

Suggested by the word ‘domestic’, DV is a form of abuse which happens between family members or in the home. This includes couples who may be married, living together, in a relationship or dating, as well as children and other family members.

DV can happen to any person of any age, race, education level, socioeconomic background, sexual orientation, gender or religion.

Why Does Domestic Violence Occur?

DV is often about control, where abusers use their victims’ vulnerabilities or weaknesses to make themselves feel more powerful. It is important to remember that even if one understands the reason or trigger behind abusive behaviour, there is no excuse for when, why or how abusive action or threats happen. Domestic violence is never the victim’s fault or responsibility to handle or understand.

When Does Domestic Violence Happen?

DV can happen at any time, but often surges during stressful life transitions or moments of intoxication. There are various patterns and periods which are helpful markers for recognising and predicting when abuse may happen:

• After consumption of alcohol or drugs
• During intense stress and life changes (financial difficulties, job insecurity, illness, relocation, social isolation, parenthood…)
• During times which bring pressure, expectations or difficult memories, such as the festive season or on special occasions (anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, New Year, Mother’s/Father’s Day…)
• When the abuser’s power is challenged (attempts to leave the relationship, questioning of their behaviours, differences in opinion, independence in professional or social life areas…)

The 6 Types of Abuse

1. Physical Abuse

Physical force usually involves threat, harm or damage to the body.

• Hitting, punching, slapping, kicking
• Choking, suffocating
• Spitting, biting, pulling hair
• Restricting movement or locking someone in/out of a space
• Threatening or using a weapon or object to cause harm
• Forcing someone to consume substances (drugs, alcohol, food)

2. Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse includes using words to publicly or privately shame, humiliate, scare, control, threaten or hurt someone.

• Yelling, shouting, swearing
• Name-calling, degrading jokes
• Insulting appearance, intelligence, sexuality, religion or culture
• Criticising or threatening

3. Psychological and Emotional Abuse

This occurs when someone says or does something to make a person feel insecure, unsafe, isolated, or powerless, often damaging their self-esteem and confidence.

Common examples include:

• Manipulation and gaslighting (making someone question their reality, memory, or sanity)
• Making someone feel responsible for problems
• Constant criticism and insults
• Ghosting, silent treatment, or cold behaviour
• Preventing contact with loved ones
• Threatening harm to people, pets or belongings
• Sharing private information or stalking
• Excessive jealousy or possessiveness
• Setting isolating, unrealistic boundaries

4. Sexual Abuse

Sexual violence includes sexual force and actions that happen without consent, making the victim feel scared, uncomfortable or vulnerable.

• Touching or kissing without consent
• Pressuring or forcing sexual activity
• Coercing sex without protection
• Sharing intimate images without consent
• Producing or sharing altered sexualised images

5. Financial Abuse

Financial abuse involves controlling access to money or making someone financially dependent.

• Restricting access to bank accounts or funds
• Preventing employment
• Monitoring or controlling spending
• Forcing financial decisions (loans, credit cards, savings)
• Using another’s money or name without consent

6. Digital Abuse

The use of digital platforms or devices to stalk, harass, monitor, intimidate or control someone.

• Monitoring private messages or social media
• Going through phones without consent
• Excessive calling or messaging
• Tracking someone’s location without consent
• Restricting internet or app access
• Demanding passwords
• Pretending to be someone online
• Posting harmful or private content online

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Can Domestic Violence Really Happen Without Physical Violence?

Yes. Only one of the six types of domestic violence involves physical harm. The others include emotional, verbal, financial and digital abuse, which can be just as damaging.

Why Don’t People “Just Leave” an Abusive Relationship?

Leaving is often the most dangerous time for survivors. When abusers sense a loss of control, they may become more threatening and manipulative. Financial, emotional, or housing barriers can also make leaving extremely difficult.

How Can I Help Someone Experiencing Domestic Violence?

• Listen without judgement or giving immediate advice
• Offer patient, consistent support rather than pressure
• Direct them to helplines or safehouses
• Call local authorities if their life is in danger

If you or a friend are experiencing domestic abuse and need mental health support, reach out today. Help is available — you are not alone.