In modern society, we are subtly praising the idea that ‘needing no one’ is the ultimate sign of success, strength and stability. For the disabled community, the idea of functioning as similarly to an able-bodied individual as possible often means being free and fulfilled – but have we considered that freedom and fulfilment might come from normalizing giving and receiving support among all abilities and bodies instead?

Rather than celebrating individuals for “overcoming” their disability, what would a reality look like where we celebrate building networks of care that make life possible, instead?

Independence Is a Myth

Independence means being able to meet one’s own needs without relying on others. There’s no problem with independence – personal responsibility is empowering and important for building confidence, direction and belief in yourself as an individual.

Healthy independence looks like:

• Taking care of your own needs (cooking, cleaning, managing your time, and budgeting wisely) but knowing when to ask for help
• Making your own choices while listening to others’ opinions
• Setting goals and working toward them
• Spending time alone to recharge, reflect or do things you enjoy
• Communicating your feelings clearly and respectfully
• Keeping your own friendships and hobbies in relationships
• Asking for help when you need it, without shame or guilt

The problem presents itself when we aim to be completely self-sufficient – an unrealistic and non-inclusive goal for all levels of ability. The truth is that we rely on others all the time, be that for food, transport, education, safety or entertainment. Even if this looks different in certain communities, such as the help of a wheelchair, medication, caregiver or extra emotional support, we must remember that interdependency is a normal and necessary part of the human experience.

Unhealthy independence looks like:

• Believing you must handle everything alone, even when you’re struggling
• Refusing help or advice because you’re scared to come across as weak
• Pulling away from friends and family to “prove” oneself
• Feeling guilty or anxious when asking others for help
• Expecting yourself to be perfect, productive and in control at all times
• Hiding feelings, pain or stress from others
• Making decisions alone and being frustrated at others for wanting to help

Rewriting The Story Of ‘Dependence’

Interdependence recognises the importance of independence with the understanding that no one truly thrives alone. Balanced, mutual support allows people to give and receive help without shame or the expectation for anything in return. It’s not about power, but about respecting all lives in communities, where wellbeing can be strengthened through relationships.

Rather than pity, we need to consider partnership; rather than charity, we need to consider collaboration. The words we choose to use matter. ‘Dependent’ implies weakness when alone, while ‘interconnected’ shows us shared ways of caring and finding meaning. When we talk about disability, this difference becomes deeply important.

Support should never be viewed as a one-way act of giving, but a flow of connection for both giver and the receiver.

A caregiver, for instance, may offer physical assistance, while the person receiving care offers companionship, patience or an opportunity to see a new perspective of ways of living. A colleague who helps create a more accessible workspace may also gain empathy, teamwork skills and a deeper understanding of inclusion.

Interdependence reframes disability not as the lack of independence, but as the shared opportunity for humanity to practice care and cooperation. It teaches communities to value the diverse ways people contribute to and exist in society.

Needing and Being Needed

Humans are wired for connection. We are social beings who find meaning, safety, and identity through relationships. Our need for support isn’t a flaw or weakness; it’s an important part of wellbeing.

When we are supported we are able to feel stronger, calmer and safer, and when we support others, we feel good about ourselves or have purpose in knowing that our own lives matter to others’ lives. Connection heals, not only through what we offer, but also through what we allow ourselves to receive. Everyone benefits.

Let’s normalise collaboration, support and consideration for all bodies, where interdependence is seen as equally as important as independence. As ubuntu teaches us, “I am because we are.”

FAQ

How can interdependence improve mental health for people with disabilities?

Interdependence plays a major role in mental well-being as humans are naturally social beings. For people with disabilities, forming supportive relationships can reduce feelings of loneliness, stress and low self-worth.

• Increases strength and confidence when facing challenges through knowing that you have people to rely on
• Creates sense of purpose and improves self-worth through contributing to others’ lives
• Allows individuals to do activities that they might struggle with alone, allowing for skill-sharing and collaboration
• Builds a more inclusive community where everyone’s contributions are valued

Do not let the idea of independence hold you back from getting the support you need. Mental healthcare is available at all levels, for all people.