For as long as I can remember I heard people say that I must forgive, but no one told me how to forgive. I heard stories about burning in hell fire if I do not forgive. In the Bible I read that if I did not forgive , then I will not be forgiven Matthew 6:15 “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. “ .

I tought about this tit for tat Biblical statement. Does this mean that If I do not forgive my rapist, then I would also not be forgiven for the cookie I stole from the cookie jar? The more I thought about this the angrier I became. I was told that if I accepted Jesus in my heart I would go to heaven. So, does that meant that the paedophiles sitting in church have Jesus in their hearts and would go to heaven , but the little children who relive rape and molestation every day and night in reality or in their memories will go to hell because they cannot forgive the paedophiles?

This whole idea always seemed very unfair. The older I became the more I needed forgiveness and the more I needed to forgive. Like a snowball this unforgiveness issue just became bigger with every passing year.

Until I decided to sit down and decipher this conundrum of unforgiveness.  As with so many other,  if not with every other life issue,  I realised that the answer can only be found in the truth. I discarded every fairytale idea of hell and heaven, guilt and innocence and focussed on what can be proven in a court of clear conscience. I embarked on a journey to understand complete forgiveness, if possible. I share my findings on this bothersome issue with very person who has ever asked “ How do I forgive?”