We don’t talk about this enough. You can love your baby and still not feel okay. You can be grateful for a healthy birth and still feel deeply lost.
You can be surrounded by people who love and support you and still feel like no one really sees you.

If you feel this way, you are not alone and you are not failing.
Postpartum depression (PPD) is quite common and affects many parents. However, it is not just about feeling the “baby blues” or crying all the time. An aspect of postpartum depression that rarely gets spoken about is the identity crisis that silently sits behind it. While you gain the title of being a parent, how you see yourself may suddenly become unfamiliar.

Postpartum Depression Isn’t Just Deep Exhaustion

In the days and weeks after birth, many new parents expect and prepare for the physical recovery, sleepless nights, and feeding schedules.
However, what no one really warns you about is that you might not recognise yourself anymore.
You may feel a strange grief — like you’ve lost someone, when you’ve just gained a baby.

But the truth is, you have lost someone – the version of yourself before you became a parent.

You might think:

“I don’t feel like me anymore.”
“I miss the old me.”
“Is this who I am now?”

It’s a strange type of grief where you don’t necessarily regret your baby-free life, but you miss the “you” from before.
The version who had time to dream, be ambitious, take risks, or just feel like more than a milk machine and to-do list manager.
You might miss the part of yourself that didn’t feel invisible.

While this is a common experience, it doesn’t make it any less painful or serious.

So, What Is Postpartum Depression?

Postpartum depression is a mood disorder that can appear anytime in the first year after having a baby.
It’s not a flaw or weakness — it’s a legitimate mental health condition that affects approximately 1 in 7 parents.

And it’s not limited to biological mothers — fathers and adoptive parents can experience it too.

PPD doesn’t always look like sadness. It can also look like:

• Numbness
• Unrecognisable rage
• Not feeling connected to your baby
• Anxiety
• Feeling disconnected from everything and everyone
• Missing the “you” you used to be

This Isn’t Just Depression — It’s Matrescence

There’s a word for what you’re going through: matrescence.
It’s like adolescence, but instead of becoming an adult, you’re becoming a parent.

Just like adolescence, it’s hormonal, emotional, disorienting, and messy.
No one tells you that becoming a parent doesn’t happen in a magical moment.
It unfolds in a million tiny losses and gains. And sometimes, it hurts.

This identity shift — this sense of being insecure, unsure, and unseen — can fuel depression in ways we don’t talk about enough.
It’s not just a mood. It’s a deep, seismic shift in how you relate to yourself and the world.

How to Begin Coming Back to Yourself

Healing from postpartum depression isn’t about “bouncing back” or pretending everything’s okay.
It’s about gently returning to yourself, with time and support.

You might want to try:

• Accept what’s happening: Give yourself permission to say, “I’m not okay right now.” Naming it doesn’t make it worse — it opens the door to healing.
• Make room for “you” again: Spend 10–15 minutes a day doing something just for you — read, write, breathe, move, or rest. It doesn’t have to be productive, it just has to be yours.
• Connect with people who get it: Support groups, counselling, or honest chats with fellow parents can help you feel less alone.

But Above All Else, Remember:

You are not broken.
You are not ungrateful.
You are not a bad parent.

You’re human. You’re adjusting. You’re healing.
And you deserve to feel whole again — not just functional.

If You Don’t Know Who to Talk To

If you don’t have someone in your life or don’t know who to talk to, consider reaching out to a counsellor.
They can give you a space to feel and help you find clarity.