Grief is an emotionally tumultuous experience that defies a one-size-fits-all approach. The grieving process is a unique journey, with individuals traversing different stages at their own pace. From denial to acceptance, the spectrum of emotions is vast, and understanding this intricate journey is crucial for providing support to those left behind. In this exploration of death and grieving, we delve into the various phases individuals may encounter and the importance of guiding them towards acceptance.

For the family

There is no formal consistent formula when emotionally responding to the loss of a loved one. Some may experience anger first, other deny the event, others immediately start pleading and bargaining, some skip the state of depression others may go into depression straight away. Our best hope is to help guide those left behind to come to a place of acceptance. There is no time frame attached to any phase of grieving and expecting anyone to snap out of it is unthinkably cruel. However, guidance and support through each phase helps.

Denial

Depending on the relationship we share to the subject of our loss, the more our lives may be uprooted or altered.  It is very common for people to try and initially deny the event to subconsciously avoid sadness, or the thought of pending mental struggles.  People in denial often withdraw from their normal social behaviour and become isolated.  Denial has no set time frame or may never be felt at all.

Anger: The Aftermath of grief

People who are grieving often become upset with the person or situation which put them in their grief state.  After all, their life could now be in complete disarray.  The path of least resistance is anger as opposed to facing the consequences of a loss head on.  In the case of death, the anger is often focused on the deceased for leaving that person behind and unable to cope.   Other times people become angry at themselves if they feel they could have done something more to stop the loss from happening. Anger could also be projected at any other person for whatever reason.

Bargaining

This is when those who are grieving are reaching out to the universe or the God entity, they believe in to make the pain go away.  It is very normal, and largely considered to be a sign that they are beginning to comprehend their situation.  People will often try to make a deal, or promise to do anything, if the pain will be taken away.

 Depression After Grief

Contrary to popular belief, depression is something that may take some time to develop. We often think we are depressed when a grief event first occurs, but there is usually a lot of shock and other emotions present before any real depression can set in.  The signs of depression due to grief usually appear when a sense of finality is realized.  This is not to be confused with clinical depression, which may be chronic.  Depression due to grief is technically episodic, even though it may last for a lengthy period.

Anticipatory grief

When thinking about grief, we mostly associate it with the sinking feeling we experience once a close friend or relative has passed away. However, the range of emotions we go through when losing a loved one can be quite complex and it takes many forms – including anticipatory grief. From the term, this might sound like regular grief experienced earlier, but it’s so much more than that.

This form of complicated grief encompasses the feeling of impending loss we experience when we learn that someone, we care about will soon pass away, combined with shock, disbelief, fear, and loneliness. Unlike normal grieving, whose symptoms are known to most people, anticipatory grief is not so discussed, it manifests in more subtle ways, and learning how to recognize it is key if to assist and encourage the family and friends to enjoy the time they have left with their loved one.

the funeral helps us search for meaning in the life and death of the person who died as well as in our own lives and impending deaths.  Each funeral we attend serves as a sort of dress rehearsal for our own.

Funerals are a way in which we as individuals and as a community convey our beliefs and values about life and death.  The very fact of a funeral demonstrates that death is important to us.  For the living to go on living as fully and as healthily as possible, this is as it should be.

Frequently Asked Questions about Grieving

Is there a universal response to the loss of a loved one?

No, there is no consistent formula for emotional responses to loss. Each individual may experience a unique combination of emotions, such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The intensity and duration of each phase vary, making it essential to provide guidance and support throughout the grieving process.

How long does each phase of grieving last?

Grieving is a highly individualized process, and there is no predetermined timeframe for each phase. Expecting someone to “snap out of it” is insensitive. Instead, offering continuous support as individuals navigate through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and, ultimately, acceptance is crucial.

What is anticipatory grief?

Anticipatory grief is the complex emotional response to the impending loss of a loved one. It combines feelings of impending loss with shock, disbelief, fear, and loneliness. Unlike conventional grieving, anticipatory grief is subtle and often not openly discussed. Recognizing and understanding anticipatory grief is vital for assisting families and friends in making the most of their remaining time with their loved one.

Conclusion

Grieving is a deeply personal journey marked by a range of emotions, from the initial shock of denial to the eventual acceptance that paves the way for healing. Understanding the unique nature of each phase and acknowledging the absence of a set timeline is crucial in providing compassionate support to those mourning the loss of a loved one. Anticipatory grief adds another layer of complexity to this emotional landscape, emphasizing the importance of recognizing subtle signs and offering support.

Funerals, as symbolic rituals, play a significant role in the grieving process, providing individuals and communities with an opportunity to find meaning in life and death. Each funeral serves as a poignant reminder of the importance of acknowledging death as an integral part of the human experience. By fostering an environment of empathy, understanding, and support, we can help individuals navigate the intricate path of grief and embrace the journey toward acceptance and healing.

Grieve is something we all face at some point in our life. If it becomes too unbearable, you are more than welcome to talk to one of our counsellors. We will do our best to make sure you get the help you need.